i'm intrigued by how light 'lightens', both in weight and darkness. i find much weight in the darkness i see in my life...be it sin or wounds or grief or whatever. yet i think about the great divorce by C.S. Lewis, how the 'realness' of the grass in eternity hurt the feet of mortal souls...this idea that the reality of His kingdom is much more substantial than anything i'll find here. is it really true, that the light is more powerful, more real, more consequential, than the dark? YES. but do i believe it? maybe.
i'm waiting for this truth to soak into the soil of my faith with my family...why is it i can believe something about God in one situation yet doubt that very same attribute in another? my belief in His goodness has shriveled when it comes to my family....and it makes my heart ache.
without hope in His light, His goodness, His love....my home is dark. my prayer for december is that i would see His light shine in the darkness and lo, it is not overcome! i do not want to give in to despair or doubt...i want to see Him illuminate the dark places, breaking the chains that have rusted shut over my family's hearts.
tonight was lovely....cinnamon coffee from scooter's, plaza lights in the brisk but comfortable night air, snapshots of other's journeys read on the floor of b&n, and a dear friend. for a couple hours, i slipped away from all the lists and demands that come with closing a chapter of your life...and it was good. i am going miss kc.
three days until i'm finished...honestly, i'm not looking forward to friday. it is going to be hard to leave rosehill, and to leave kc. do you ever feel that yearning, like if you just had a little more time...if you could just stay. if you could just wait...one more minute...then it would somehow be satisfied. but. i will go and i will trust. and i am EXCITED to go to south america....just waiting on that "official" letter. i hope it comes sooner than later. [or latter, if my students were trying to be fancy incorrectly...since latter is "how rich people say later"]
welp. here we go.
ROSEHILL SIXTH GRADERS