i see

tomorrow is the beginning of a fun seattle adventure...provided we can fly out despite the forecasted inch of ice shrouding all surfaces. as of right now, our flight is canceled and shifted to a 5:25pm flight...but i'm doubting that one being able to leave also. chalk it up to reason number 72 that i am excited to live in south america.

it's funny how quickly your surroundings and circumstances can shape and change your experience. one week ago, i was up at 5, drinking coffee and lesson planning, laughing with sixth graders and crying over their pain, and teaching math in spanish. this week i wore pjs until 1 as i drove my carless brother around, ate leftover soup twice, spoke in baby talk to my adorable niece as we surfed the net together and walked around with no makeup and a blanket all day. bizarre. i miss my kc life. this life feels overwhelming and unpredictable and emotionally explosive. and in all of it, i found layers and layers of more desire to control, more need to change the things around me, to "fix" it. psalm 55:22. matt 7.

the best part in all of it, is that as i lose it, as i unravel even more than i already have, i find myself growing in the awareness that He has me firmly in His loving grip. that He has me, is right there with me, and will always be. above all else, He desires mercy and not sacrifice...what would it look like for my life to reflect that kind of heart posture? i'm still seeking it out.

so stay warm people...drink hot chocolate or yerba mate and snuggle up with that fleece sweatshirt and downy blanket. i'm praying that He provides warmth and protection for all those being turned away from shelters across the city.