Tuesday, December 14, 2010


i found this in an old sketchbook as i was cleaning yesterday.
dated january 7th, 2007.
"I am always at home in Jesus. always. if i feel outside or alone or NOT at home, it's because somewhere along the line i chose to walk out the door. turn on the oven, open the curtains, i'm coming home. i'm here to stay and i wanna bring whoever i can home with me."
it's good to be reminded.

about my last post: the thing that is hitting about these women's lives is NOT the work they are doing, although that's what i thought at first, but their HEARTS. "there are no great things, only small things with great love." -mother theresa.

i want to memorize psalm 103 in spanish...there's a resonance with what its saying and this time i'm in.

an old poem:
a love that silences
a sweetness few perceive
bitter on the tongue of selfish men
yet richest of fare to the gutter's friend
which am i? do we choose?
may i don the beggar's cloth
if it be the way
to the divine love feast.

what are some things that are resonating in you today?

Monday, December 13, 2010

this sister, or more correctly, the Jesus reflected in her life, is rocking my world. completely.

so is this draw to be taking care of those sweet ones in the MQV orphanage. and Amy Carmichael's story.

the same story that was washing over me 7 years ago is coming back, stronger and plainer and bigger.

and i feel like i'm just observing, just waiting. what am i supposed to do with all this?

i guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

a reminder

He who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. - Matthew 10:37-38

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sister or father or mother or children or farms for My Name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inhereit eternal life. - Matt 19:29

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. - Romans 12:2

The preciseness and sheer exactness of His will and His plan continues to blow me away. Lots of shifting and changing happening, staggering in the starkness of positive and negatives. And I wait in the middle of it all, grasping for the way, the path, His will. there is so much of me that wants to figure it out for myself, make a plan, write it down, put it into my manageable box. and yet in the same moment afraid to make a wrong step. And then as I'm thrashing around, He just smiles and reminds me of what He had already shown me. As if there was any question or doubt. And there comes the peace.

More concrete details on this will be coming soon...thank you to those who have been praying.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

fruits of a Labor

do you remember when I talked about being transplanted into a foreign land, and the promises He gives with that?

i am seeing the fruit of that Labor, this work He began and promises to finish. it's overwhelming when you marvel at His greatnes, utter magnitude, true goodness. and never ending faithfulness.

i write this as i ponder the faces of my fellow teachers, all of us just two days away from vacation. for me, it is simple unbelieveable that i have a place here, that these people are my friends, my support, my brothers and sisters. and together we work to change the future of a country. simple amazing.

for me, reflecting on this past year is going to take all of December. and I feel ready and eager to do so. the second year of teaching is SO different than the first and the third year of living in a this country promises to change me forever. there are certain qualities, perceptions and attitudes that are being forged, that are good and life-giving, that could never have been formed in my former path. just a snapshot:

infinitely more patient and loving, in a deep and base level way. i can't explain how it happens but there is something in the very core of me that is just different.

a whole new understanding of respect and rights.

a simpler, streamlined self

a person focused, not task focused mind...this is huge for me.

able to make hard decisions and trust that obedience is way better than 'sacrifice'

a fuller gratitude, for everything.

appreciation for simple things: time to rest, a beautiful song, lovely weather, particular harvests, hospitality, generosity, solidarity. this, at least, the government has correct - promoting and applauding solidarity. the nicaraguan people embody this trait.

photo credit