I´m going stateside for semana santa!!! Big shout out to Patty...infinite thanks :)
Into Wichita Monday April 2nd at 8:24, back to Nicaragua Monday April 9th at 9:05 pm.
Let me know if we can see each other!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
marchin' on
leaving for panama in less than 48 hours. what began as faltering speeches and incoherent investigations has become 10 polished and poised students, armed with knowledge and comfortable in speaking their mind, defending their points. and the most beautiful thing? each and every one of them wants to do this well, this secular, politcial, intelligent thing, to honor the One who made them. to show, as one student said, that Christians do have knowledge and have something to offer.
i just hope that desire really is sincere and heartfelt, because if it is? what an honor to be their advisor, to support them in this experience. for those who don't know what HACIA is, you can check it out here. it really is a neat opportunity and i'm thrilled i've gotten to prepare these students to participate. plus i've never been to Panama, so this should be interesting.
i am a little uncertain of leaving my husband just two weeks after his brother's accident and death. there's been a vulnerability, a fragility to our house these days and i wish i could just stay here in the midst of that, accompany him. but we know we are never alone.
over and over and over again i'm hearing 'rest'. 'don't work so much'. 'invest in people not tasks'. i'm hearing it. i'm getting it... still trying to figure out how to make it actually happen. hoping that the return from Panama will allow this to happen.
and there's something very exciting on the horizon, something promising. not wanting to share it yet in case things fall through, but i'm excited. (NO I'M NOT PREGNANT. for reals.)
i just hope that desire really is sincere and heartfelt, because if it is? what an honor to be their advisor, to support them in this experience. for those who don't know what HACIA is, you can check it out here. it really is a neat opportunity and i'm thrilled i've gotten to prepare these students to participate. plus i've never been to Panama, so this should be interesting.
i am a little uncertain of leaving my husband just two weeks after his brother's accident and death. there's been a vulnerability, a fragility to our house these days and i wish i could just stay here in the midst of that, accompany him. but we know we are never alone.
over and over and over again i'm hearing 'rest'. 'don't work so much'. 'invest in people not tasks'. i'm hearing it. i'm getting it... still trying to figure out how to make it actually happen. hoping that the return from Panama will allow this to happen.
and there's something very exciting on the horizon, something promising. not wanting to share it yet in case things fall through, but i'm excited. (NO I'M NOT PREGNANT. for reals.)
Saturday, February 11, 2012
a starved imagination
God has a way of weaving oswald chambers words' into my everyday circumstances...just fit right in there. this morning i was reading these last few days entries in my utmost for his highest...and this line just stopped me.
"The starvation of the imagination is one of the most fruitful sources of exhaustion and sapping in a worker's life..."
he spends several days discussiing this, how the Israelites starved their imagination looking into the faces of idols, taking isaiah 40 as his base.
and i'm sliced through, seeing how these everyday demands keep my eyes down here, instead of pondering His face. how i look at my own hands and panic, instead of taking joy in the strength in His. how i cringe as my heart empties out once again, forgetting that His love is continually flowing, always just a spark away.
i've been so worn-out. and yet chambers again doesn't find this impressive...we are expected to be poured out, broken as an offering. this is what we are called to. the issue comes when we don't let that pouring out come from the source, but from our pitiful broken cisterns.
it's a matter of will, not emotion. it's a choice, to look up, to activate, to remember.
and as simple as that, there's a spark of color, a flash of light. a joy bubbling up. a peace. a perfect moment in a sunny corner, hearing your husband share the GLORY of Jesus with a young man on the street. a rolling in that deep place as i explore new music (to me hah). an easing into restfulness, though busy.
i love how He loves me. how He reminds me, beckons me, asks me to come again and again. how lovely and merciful is He!
may i reflect THIS. His love, His mercy, His plans..."This abandon to the love of Christ is the one thing that bears fruit in the life, and it will always leave the impression of the holiness and of the power of God, never of our personal holiness." Chambers. may it be so.
"The starvation of the imagination is one of the most fruitful sources of exhaustion and sapping in a worker's life..."
he spends several days discussiing this, how the Israelites starved their imagination looking into the faces of idols, taking isaiah 40 as his base.
and i'm sliced through, seeing how these everyday demands keep my eyes down here, instead of pondering His face. how i look at my own hands and panic, instead of taking joy in the strength in His. how i cringe as my heart empties out once again, forgetting that His love is continually flowing, always just a spark away.
i've been so worn-out. and yet chambers again doesn't find this impressive...we are expected to be poured out, broken as an offering. this is what we are called to. the issue comes when we don't let that pouring out come from the source, but from our pitiful broken cisterns.
it's a matter of will, not emotion. it's a choice, to look up, to activate, to remember.
and as simple as that, there's a spark of color, a flash of light. a joy bubbling up. a peace. a perfect moment in a sunny corner, hearing your husband share the GLORY of Jesus with a young man on the street. a rolling in that deep place as i explore new music (to me hah). an easing into restfulness, though busy.
i love how He loves me. how He reminds me, beckons me, asks me to come again and again. how lovely and merciful is He!
may i reflect THIS. His love, His mercy, His plans..."This abandon to the love of Christ is the one thing that bears fruit in the life, and it will always leave the impression of the holiness and of the power of God, never of our personal holiness." Chambers. may it be so.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
2012
hello. just stepped out of the time black hole that is end of the school year, vacations (prepping for new year) and beginning of a new school year. is it really almost february?
some highlights:
-growing elementary school...more responsibility, more blessing.
-sewing project off and running...still learning a lot.
-driving! a stick shift! in managua!! (this is nothing short of a miracle)
-slow mending within broken relationships. slow going, but evident.
-deepening friendships.
-accepted into Grad school...offered a grant...but not enough to cover all costs. not going to study right now. at peace with this decision. a wise decision.
-HACIA only 38 days away...will we be ready???
-experiencing homesickness, four years in. odd and hard to define at times.
-seeing the beginning of an end and not sure how i feel about that.
-making some serious habit changes...a slow road but i know it will be worth it at all.
where have you all been these last three months?
some highlights:
-growing elementary school...more responsibility, more blessing.
-sewing project off and running...still learning a lot.
-driving! a stick shift! in managua!! (this is nothing short of a miracle)
-slow mending within broken relationships. slow going, but evident.
-deepening friendships.
-accepted into Grad school...offered a grant...but not enough to cover all costs. not going to study right now. at peace with this decision. a wise decision.
-HACIA only 38 days away...will we be ready???
-experiencing homesickness, four years in. odd and hard to define at times.
-seeing the beginning of an end and not sure how i feel about that.
-making some serious habit changes...a slow road but i know it will be worth it at all.
where have you all been these last three months?
Saturday, October 8, 2011
TGIO
thank God it's October...because that means September is OVER. what a month.
a move, a new project, bi-weekly meetings, patriotic festivals, reading festival, multiplication competition, reading competition, 100s of papers graded, finish of a block, teacher meetings and workshops...
i'm worn down. and when i was at my most tired point, i heard this message...about coming to Him to find rest.
so simple. something i already knew. but wasn't actually practicing. i go to food, to the office, to a book, to music, to whatever else....because i can see it, i can feel it...and in my mind, it was the automatic answer...ah yes, what i need is to sleep and watch the office and drink Dr Pepper and eat chips and cream cheese + salsa...that will totally make me feel rested. Anyone surprised that i felt more tired after all that??
because what's really going on, even beyond the physical exhaustion of being so busy, is a soul weariness...for all the deeper things that have been transpiring. and i can't say i've really taken time to look into that...cus i don't want to. it's more fun to laugh at dwight and slurp soda. but it's not effective.
so, little by little, i'm coming. i'm going to Him first, not after all the other junk. i'm trusting that He will give me rest...even though it seems impossible.
and you know what? He has :)little by little i'm seeing that promise take root in my life...and i want to see it grow.
in other news, i'm going to participate in a 5K next Sunday for cancer research...just found out about it, and no i have not been training. the winner of the race gets a free trip to the US!! I was so motivated when i set out to run today, oh yea, i'm totally going to win this with my WILLPOWER...that lasted about 2 laps around the soccer field. well. probably won't win. and probably won't run the whole way. but i'll participate!
now i'm off to clean, wash laundry and find some rest. happy october people.
a move, a new project, bi-weekly meetings, patriotic festivals, reading festival, multiplication competition, reading competition, 100s of papers graded, finish of a block, teacher meetings and workshops...
i'm worn down. and when i was at my most tired point, i heard this message...about coming to Him to find rest.
so simple. something i already knew. but wasn't actually practicing. i go to food, to the office, to a book, to music, to whatever else....because i can see it, i can feel it...and in my mind, it was the automatic answer...ah yes, what i need is to sleep and watch the office and drink Dr Pepper and eat chips and cream cheese + salsa...that will totally make me feel rested. Anyone surprised that i felt more tired after all that??
because what's really going on, even beyond the physical exhaustion of being so busy, is a soul weariness...for all the deeper things that have been transpiring. and i can't say i've really taken time to look into that...cus i don't want to. it's more fun to laugh at dwight and slurp soda. but it's not effective.
so, little by little, i'm coming. i'm going to Him first, not after all the other junk. i'm trusting that He will give me rest...even though it seems impossible.
and you know what? He has :)little by little i'm seeing that promise take root in my life...and i want to see it grow.
in other news, i'm going to participate in a 5K next Sunday for cancer research...just found out about it, and no i have not been training. the winner of the race gets a free trip to the US!! I was so motivated when i set out to run today, oh yea, i'm totally going to win this with my WILLPOWER...that lasted about 2 laps around the soccer field. well. probably won't win. and probably won't run the whole way. but i'll participate!
now i'm off to clean, wash laundry and find some rest. happy october people.
Monday, September 5, 2011
dawdling
i could blame this lack of a post on the dead battery/charger for my dell laptop. which does have a certain weight, but the reality is that i´ve been avoiding this post for a while. because it´s uncomfortable. and i´m not sure how to do it. so i´ve been dawdling.
but i´ve found that just dealing with the truth as soon as you can is much more effective than letting it hide.
how do you talk about leaving a church and why you left it WITHOUT saying things that will inevitably be harmful to the people inside the church? doesn´t matter that they don´t even read my blog nor do they speak English...but for integrity´s sake.
i kind of think that you can´t. and it´s what makes this all so much more awful...because he believes that i would do that. not in a blog necessarily, but that i would go around running my mouth to harm and bring him down. *sigh*
how do you be a part of a church where your race is what defines you (not by choice but by others´perception) and not who you are as a daughter of the King? how do you walk in your abilities and in community if they do not appreciate or trust those abilities, based on false pretexts? What do you do when if you stay, you die spiritually and if you go, you are shunned? how do you face the reality that what you believed to be an intimate, trusting, respectful friendship is actually not that at all?
how do you react in love and forgiveness when someone smears your character in front of everyone?
11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. [Matthew 5: 11 - 12]
i feel like i´m exaggerating to put that up there...like what i´m passing through is anything like the persecution He experienced. but it reminds me, that if in a tiny teeny little way this is happening, i am blessed. and i have no reason to get all caught up in it, to get hurt and brought down...why give more fuel to something i stepped out of??? why let it continue to affect me at all??
so we move forward. we give thanks for the little things...the little congregation that has received us, the little moments of acceptance to be who He has made me to be, the little freedoms to walk in what i feel He has called me to walk.
so rejoice with me friends...pray with me for healing, for kindness, for repentance, for reconcilliation.
let us TRUST Him to do the work.
but i´ve found that just dealing with the truth as soon as you can is much more effective than letting it hide.
how do you talk about leaving a church and why you left it WITHOUT saying things that will inevitably be harmful to the people inside the church? doesn´t matter that they don´t even read my blog nor do they speak English...but for integrity´s sake.
i kind of think that you can´t. and it´s what makes this all so much more awful...because he believes that i would do that. not in a blog necessarily, but that i would go around running my mouth to harm and bring him down. *sigh*
how do you be a part of a church where your race is what defines you (not by choice but by others´perception) and not who you are as a daughter of the King? how do you walk in your abilities and in community if they do not appreciate or trust those abilities, based on false pretexts? What do you do when if you stay, you die spiritually and if you go, you are shunned? how do you face the reality that what you believed to be an intimate, trusting, respectful friendship is actually not that at all?
how do you react in love and forgiveness when someone smears your character in front of everyone?
11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. [Matthew 5: 11 - 12]
i feel like i´m exaggerating to put that up there...like what i´m passing through is anything like the persecution He experienced. but it reminds me, that if in a tiny teeny little way this is happening, i am blessed. and i have no reason to get all caught up in it, to get hurt and brought down...why give more fuel to something i stepped out of??? why let it continue to affect me at all??
so we move forward. we give thanks for the little things...the little congregation that has received us, the little moments of acceptance to be who He has made me to be, the little freedoms to walk in what i feel He has called me to walk.
so rejoice with me friends...pray with me for healing, for kindness, for repentance, for reconcilliation.
let us TRUST Him to do the work.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
snap crackle pop
i feel like doing a little list to share with you all, as i find that sometimes they communicate what i'm thinking just a little bit better.
- i LOVE teacher workshops - that is, i love giving them. i had the opportunity to lead a teacher workshop on developing a biblically integrated computer curriculum and it was so vibrant to see these teachers meld their ideas together to create one common goal, to see them work diligently together and change their ideas. LOVE it. and got invited back for the 30th, so i guess to some degree they loved it too :).
- i don't particularly like being in teacher workshops because they tend to be tedious and sometimes irrelevant...like today's. BUT it did allow me some space, some time to enjoy my lunch (only ONE parent interruption)with some quality people.
- my life is exhausting. and yet i'm grateful for what i'm doing. win-win?
- yes, i'm baking cookies that i will consume today, even though it's 10:40 pm, BECAUSE i have tomorrow off (thanks Saint Domingo) and i've got Harry Potter 4 in Spanish and the Office season 2 waiting to entertain me.
- i am really enjoying these growing tendrils of community: two couples that we make dinners with, a new bible study, a girl next door. so glad.
- sometimes the most beautiful thing we can do is be compassionate with someone...take that moment to really hear them, to speak into their lives, to just love them where they are at...i want to be this all the time, and not just in blips here and there.
- no GREAT things, only small things with GREAT love....mother teresa.
- umm, if you have the capability you should totally go to this...and you should look for her and her...HOW I WISH I COULD GO! should be just amazing.
- let's go lower and lower and lower and weaker and weaker and weaker so HE may be LIFTED UP and show His STRENGTH...amen.
- totally miss my walking buddies. and the KSU gym. and the energy/time to keep up with beachbody insanity.
- wish i could have permanent vacation....if only i didn't love my job so much!
- sometimes i forget i'm an introvert...and after 11 hours of PEOPLE and all that entails, i just want to hide. but praise God for always giving enough. (wouldn't do to be cranky with parents, teachers, students, etc)
- did you know that I love you? that i think of you and pray for you and bless you? that i'm deeply interested in what you are doing and going through? it's true. remember that :)
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.
[Pablo Neruda, Poema 20]shared by one of my students on facebook, followed by his 'ori-genial' poem...LOVE that i get to be a part of this creative blossoming.
- i LOVE teacher workshops - that is, i love giving them. i had the opportunity to lead a teacher workshop on developing a biblically integrated computer curriculum and it was so vibrant to see these teachers meld their ideas together to create one common goal, to see them work diligently together and change their ideas. LOVE it. and got invited back for the 30th, so i guess to some degree they loved it too :).
- i don't particularly like being in teacher workshops because they tend to be tedious and sometimes irrelevant...like today's. BUT it did allow me some space, some time to enjoy my lunch (only ONE parent interruption)with some quality people.
- my life is exhausting. and yet i'm grateful for what i'm doing. win-win?
- yes, i'm baking cookies that i will consume today, even though it's 10:40 pm, BECAUSE i have tomorrow off (thanks Saint Domingo) and i've got Harry Potter 4 in Spanish and the Office season 2 waiting to entertain me.
- i am really enjoying these growing tendrils of community: two couples that we make dinners with, a new bible study, a girl next door. so glad.
- sometimes the most beautiful thing we can do is be compassionate with someone...take that moment to really hear them, to speak into their lives, to just love them where they are at...i want to be this all the time, and not just in blips here and there.
- no GREAT things, only small things with GREAT love....mother teresa.
- umm, if you have the capability you should totally go to this...and you should look for her and her...HOW I WISH I COULD GO! should be just amazing.
- let's go lower and lower and lower and weaker and weaker and weaker so HE may be LIFTED UP and show His STRENGTH...amen.
- totally miss my walking buddies. and the KSU gym. and the energy/time to keep up with beachbody insanity.
- wish i could have permanent vacation....if only i didn't love my job so much!
- sometimes i forget i'm an introvert...and after 11 hours of PEOPLE and all that entails, i just want to hide. but praise God for always giving enough. (wouldn't do to be cranky with parents, teachers, students, etc)
- did you know that I love you? that i think of you and pray for you and bless you? that i'm deeply interested in what you are doing and going through? it's true. remember that :)
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.
[Pablo Neruda, Poema 20]shared by one of my students on facebook, followed by his 'ori-genial' poem...LOVE that i get to be a part of this creative blossoming.
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