Saturday, June 4, 2011

i'm wound tight, tight, tight. mind and body tensed and tired under this load...the work load,the physical load, the emotional load. even as i type this, my feet and fingers just tap tap tap. partly a break in coke restriction, in an effort to get all this paperwork done...and partly because i didn't run today...but mostly because its just all too much for me.

but not for Him. May sucked, from my perspective. debilitating illness, overly busy at work, death of a precious father, breaking, division, hurt, weariness.

you just want to scream, you know? to just say, enough! this is not good. i don't LIKE this. i don't WANT this.

but i don't even have to put what He says. just look at the cross. the journey to get there. His utter silence before accusers, His grittiness to endure. to keep going...and to do it, trusting in His Father and who He is and His ability to do what He says.

i forget. because all that other stuff kind of pushes its way to the forefront.

but then i'm reminded. by a sister. by that sweet Presence. by a moment, a word, a glance, a squeeze.

so i bend. i kneel. i break apart. because in the end, there's beauty in that brokenness, that offering. a renewal to move forward. and this wonderful awareness of others pain and suddenly just the right word, glance or squeeze that might be comfort to them when their month sucks.

it's worth it. we say yes.

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