hope that does not shame us

we are on week two of No Water Experience. as if we signed up for this ;). there are two things that astound me. one, it is unbelieveable how much work and TIME it takes to just get the water a house of two needs...for the very basics, like washing dishes, flushing the toilet, bathing and washing the occasional sock and underwear. and two, its surprising how MUCH water it takes to do those very simple things. all by hand, all done with as much saving as possible...and still, a vast quantity. we come home from work, spend a couple hours getting water, another hour using that water and fall into bed exhausted (not mentioning the everyday responsibilities like dinner making, house cleaning, feeding puppies, cleaning puppies and grading). so today, as we got up at 530 to start it all again, in hopes of washing some clothes too, i just felt this love welling up, this gratefulness. for the fact that this is temporary. for the fact that we have the means to go and get water somewhere (a car to haul it in and various containers to hold it). for the fact i have a husband who works tirelessly alongside me to keep this thing called life going.

now, before you go and thing, wow so deep, she's really in tune with things there in Nicaragua....read Romans 5:4-5. oh yea. it's HIS spirit that pours our HIS love in our hearts...that leads us to inspired love and hope and gratefulness. not sarah. Jesus.

and i LOVE that. it gives us no room to claim anything, no pats on the back, just a simple, let's walk in this that He has given us. and its possible whereever you are, regardless of your circumstances, and it CHANGES your character, your perspective.

i'm off to accompany the kiddos from the orphanage and their 'mama' and some other workers to the beach...let's hope and pray that keeping 17 children under control near the water's edge proves to be easy. yay national workers day that gives us Monday off!!

those pesky stumbling stones

it had been a long time since i had felt that squeezing that comes with loneliness, panic and lost footing. and when i found myself in the middle of it once more, it was rather stunning. and scary.

i don't think there's anyone in this world who is immune to this...no matter your level of faith or church attendance or whatever. and for those who feel the need to fling verses at me to tell me the contrary...just hold it for a moment. i think about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane and i just KNOW that He knows what I am talking about. This life, this world is just full of things that will sweep you off your feet. and the emotions and thoughts that spring forth from those things can be paralyzing. and yet we can choose to say not mine, but Yours be done. and that makes all the difference.

so i'm thinking all of this in the wake of this overwhelming sense of 'what the... are we doing..." there are certain realities that we have to face, certain plans we want to make but that just aren't possible right now and things like where we will be in 5 years and when we are going to have a kid that demand answers...which i just can't find right now. all that, in the midst of just some dry community time, brought on that suffocation that knocked me down and threatened me with despair.

but life goes on. i didn't fade away into blackness or lose my mind. i just got up, wiped my eyes and kept going. if nothing else, it reminded me of my need of His Spirit to keep me going, to help me endure...to count it all joy. and in the end, to remember, this is a race we are running...and many of things that wanted to steal my peace are things that are far off in the horizon...nothing is in the here and now.

so we keep going. we keep hoping. we choose to be surprised, to be grateful. we choose to love, to serve. and we choose to wait.

so here's to making good choices, even if they seem to be the same ones over and over again, even if it seems we are in the same place we were yesterday. to say once again...not mine, but Yours be done Jesus.

happy dance

it's finally here....after three weeks of waiting, the annual women's retreat is here...my first time to go, but i am beyond thrilled to spend three days in Montelimar beach!!!!

with all the things that i've been seeing, i'm just so glad to be able to take a time-out...to get away, be with my Papa and rest. thank you Jesus.

"Come to me, those who are weary and heavy-ladened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt 11:28-30